Serenity

it's not about feeling serene

serenity: the still point which supports transformation

Simple yet profound, the Serenity Prayer has provided an anchor and touchstone for millions of recovering addicts:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve always loved this prayer. But I prefer to replace accept with embrace. For me, one implies non-action, whereas the other leads to transformation. Embracing the things we cannot change brings us closer to what we can by grounding us in stillness. The two become one movement of love.

So what is serenity, really?

It’s not the same as feeling serene. In fact, it invites us to feel everything from a space of presence, spaciousness and clarity.

Serenity reveals where we’re suppressing an experience, inviting us to relax the pushing away. It also reveals where we’re embellishing an experience with stories, which only reinforces pain.

Suppressing and embellishing don’t allow us to love what’s here, whereas serenity invites us to include more of life with love.

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Here’s an example from a woman who had attended a silent yoga and meditation retreat with me a few months earlier.

She wrote:

How can I practice when it’s impossible to tenderly embrace this painful state? I’m desperately trying to get out of it because there’s a great fear of being swept away and drawn down. It feels like a thick veil of very powerful dark thoughts preventing me from accessing my emotions and the sensations in my body.

She wanted to continue in the ways we had been practising together on retreat: coming into the body and feeling what’s here with curiosity and kindness. But when she met a thick veil of powerful dark thoughts, it seemed to become a barrier.

In fact, this was her edge. It wasn’t the thing that needed to go away so she could access her emotions and the sensations in her body. These were her emotions and sensations. They were the first layer of experience calling for attention.

We all meet our edges every day. They are the places we’re unwilling or unable to turn towards and embrace with love. This is where suffering arises.

There are many things we experience that we don’t like, but there’s nothing in our embodied experience that can’t be embraced with love. The two are different.

Loving something we dislike means holding it with tenderness whilst it’s here, even though it hurts. This actually allows it to shift, change and move, whereas suppressing or embellishing keeps it locked in the body.

Equally importantly, a truly wise response - one that is of greatest benefit in all directions - most easily arises from loving presence.

So nothing is a distraction from our practice of attending to life with love. There’s nothing which needs to change so we can begin to practise.

The only helpful intervention is to unhook from stories and soften around beliefs, simply because thoughts are so slippery and intangible and limiting beliefs so hard and immovable, that together we get lost there for lifetimes.

But thoughts, beliefs and emotions all emerge as sensations in the body, as well. They create imprints of expansion, contraction or collapse, here in the body. And here in the body, anything and everything can be embraced with love, as long as we’re supported and safe.

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This was where she and I began together. We practised finding safety and connection first: connecting to the Earth below, the stars above, her ancestors and guides all around, her breathing body here in the centre.

Then we practised turning towards the thick dark veil itself, releasing the stories but feeling its presence in the body with love.

Behind the resistance, fear slowly emerged. She traced it throughout her body: the contractions around her eyes, the constriction in her throat, the heaviness on her chest.

Behind fear was grief, and grief, once safe, could finally flow in tears.

With all these places of immediate sensation breathed into and softened around, the apparent obstacle became no more than a tender vulnerability, asking to be held with love.

Returning to love, she was able to respond from love. She saw what was longing to be held in presence. She saw what was calling for action.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity leads us towards courageous action, and wise action supports a life of serenity. The wisdom to know the difference is also the wisdom to know they are one and the same.

Join me

Silent Yoga and Meditation Retreats in Devon June 2nd-7th (fully booked: join the waiting list here) and France September 26th - October 2nd (booking opens next week: register your interest here).

Day Retreats just outside London on March 22nd and November 29th. We practise yoga and meditation, walk silently through ancient woodland, swim in a beautiful lake, warm up in a wood-fired sauna, eat delicious food around a fire pit and return for restorative yoga and meditation by candlelight. Book here.

Yin Yoga, Meditation, Cacao, Live Music and Chanting (scroll down) at HOME in Primrose Hill on March 14th with Lucidia and Rafael, weaving together yin yoga, meditation, delicious cacao, live music and joyful chanting! Book here (check again in a few days if it’s not live yet).

Meditation online with Sangha Live each morning from February 9th-13th, April 13th-17th, and November 16th-20th, including daily reflections, guided meditations and Q&A. Register for February’s “Embodied Release; Effortless Renewal” here.

Yoga and Meditation at HOME in Primrose Hill, every Friday from 10.30am-12.30pm. Tow luxurious hours of slow, alignment-focused, heart-centred, mind-expanding yoga and meditation, open to everyone. Book here.

Practice

Pause. Become still. Close your eyes. Take a soft, slow breath in through your nose and breathe out with a sigh or sound through your mouth.

Bring your attention into your body. Feel the ground. Scan your body to relax where you’re able to relax. Unhook from stories. As you unhook, relax again.

Place your hands somewhere on your body and ask yourself, What are you feeling right now, my love?

Be curious. Feel your feelings, here in your body, with kindness. Breathe into them. Soften around them. Rest beside them. Give them permission and room to be here.

Feel the space of love which holds this moment. Rest in the love that holds this moment. Trust in the love that holds this moment.

You are loved.

You are love.