Beauty and Aliveness
opening to beauty and aliveness softens the heart, opens the mind, and allows us to find a path forward more aligned with love
Welcome to a new year friends. Whatever struggles and joys this year brings, may we remain open to both receiving its lessons and celebrating its beauty and aliveness.
Dharma practice is about the liberation of suffering AND a remembrance of our divine selves. It is this very remembrance which facilitates liberation and allows us to do what we’re here to do. Accessing beauty and aliveness - through communion with nature, each other and this breathing body - is what supports this remembrance more than anything else.
For me, 2024 began with an abundance of beauty and aliveness. After two years apart, I visited my sister who lives on the Hawaiian island of Maui, and I’m storing these blessings for the long winter nights which lie ahead, amidst the debris of devastating struggles in the world needing care and attention. The pain is real, but so is the beauty, and opening to both allows our hearts to remain soft enough to find a path forward which is still aligned with love.
So I offer these gifts to you as a reminder that somewhere on this sparkling, iridescent planet, beauty and aliveness are on full display, calling to that same spark to wake up within you too, wherever and however you are.
In Maui these gifts are technicolour. The aquamarine and deep blue hues fading into infinite depths which carry the songs and clicks of not-so-distant whales. The sunlight reflecting off golden particles of sand as they swirl in the breaking waves. The tropical forests clad with lichen and creepers, carved through with fast flowing rivers, cascading waterfalls and wide eroded pools. The vast moonscape of black, red and orange craters of the sacred Haleakala volcano. The rainbows appearing like playful celebrations in the sky.
It is a great privilege to have witnessed this. But even when the colours are more muted and subtle, reminders of beauty and aliveness are here all around us. It’s available whenever there is wholehearted, unconditional, uninhibited presence: to the rise and fall of this breath, to the sensation of bare feet on the ground, to the lined or fresh face of someone we love.
There is plenty of undeniable suffering in the world. And, at the very same time, there’s also another reality whispering to us in every breeze, inviting us out of our stories of separation - the very stories which lie at the heart of suffering. Even in the frost of a winter morning and the first stars of early afternoon’s descending darkness, it whispers that this world is so much vaster than the stories of us and them which create so much pain. It reminds us that all things pulse with the same aliveness, and that all of this is a mystery of unimaginable beauty. It calls us to listen more deeply to the song singing itself through all of creation and invites us to participate in the mystery of that one sound.
I’ll say it again because we forget, again and again: the world is so much vaster than our stories of me and you, us and them. Whatever else is going on in our lives, somewhere there are waves pounding against the shore and receding back into vast depths. Somewhere there are trees growing towards the light, and rain falling through that same light is somewhere creating rainbows. The moon and sun reflect and radiate even when they can't be seen by our clouded eyes. Life is singing its song even when our ears are deaf to the sound.
We are always part of that one sound regardless, and it is in these moments, struck speechless from our tantrums by wonder and awe, that we remember this. It’s a great privilege to witness the world’s beauty, but it’s an even greater responsibility to remember it when those moments pass.
Because true beauty is inseparable from aliveness. The mountains, forests and oceans are calling us to enter into the sacred dance of aliveness alongside them, to celebrate each other’s beauty as we offer our own gifts back in turn. And as Howard Thurman said in the 1960s, what the world needs is people who have come alive. His words are more relevant now than ever. What the world needs is more and more people who have come alive.
When we are dead to aliveness, we separate it from beauty. At worst, life becomes dead all around us, useful only to consume, and beauty becomes fake and commodified. At best, we reduce even the most beautiful things from sacred dance partners into objects to admire and possess. When we no longer recognise the world as a dance partner calling us back into aliveness, we easily become lost in our stories, fixated on self and afraid of the lonely unknown which appears to exist out there, all around.
This feels particularly relevant right now, both in light of the suffering of the world at large, and because this is a time of year when we are more likely to either start beneficial habits or reinforce existing limiting narratives. What matters more than anything is the energy behind our actions.
The intense reverberations of trauma we are seeing playing out in the world are needing us to attend from a place connected to wholeness. We need to learn how to take care of our internal space so that the way we think, communicate and act isn't motivated by unconscious narratives and undigested emotions. When thoughts and actions are founded in the love which naturally arises from a connection to beauty and aliveness, they ultimately lead to greater benefit rather than further destruction.
The same applies to our new year intentions, which are often no more than guilt-laden self-improvement projects. When we commit to self-improvement from a place of self-hatred, we shame the very parts of us trying to numb their unworthiness by reaching for their favourite distractions. And when we drop our addictive distractions too quickly or carelessly, without attending to the pain they are defending, the underlying trance of unworthiness and story of separation behind them can feel too painful to bear. And so our well-established patterns sweep in to save us once again, but this time with added layers of shame and defeat. Perhaps this is why most new year’s resolutions last no more than several weeks to several months?
If we are to heal the broken places both in the world and within our own bodies, hearts and minds, we need to remember what wholeness feels like first. Remembering that we are inseparable from the beauty of aliveness allows us to breathe deeply again. We begin to trust that it’s safe to feel life’s full spectrum of feelings with love. Safe to feel anger, fear and grief alongside joy, wonder and delight. Safe to express the mystery we find moving through us. Safe to be exactly who we really are. Because who we really are is so far from the violence of how we behave when we’re lost in a trance of separation.
From this place of remembered belonging, our actions and intentions are animated and inspired by love not fear. Our resolutions towards health and harmony are anchored in the remembrance of how alive it feels without the exhaustion of too many late nights, toxic food, a sedentary body and restless mind. We can be kinder towards ourselves and others when we recognise the trance of forgetfulness which lies behind all this. We can support ourselves with access to some form of beauty and aliveness, however small, so that we are more able to give what we are here to give. So that we are more able to be who we are here to be.
We need daily access to the unbroken, and this doesn’t need to come to us from far-off, exotic lands. Whatever it is that reminds you of life’s intrinsic beauty and aliveness, hold them close in these times. This isn’t spiritual bypass or avoidance. It is the very fuel and force which holds us steady, anchored, soft and open in times of struggle and pain. We need to come alive if we are to halt the march of destruction. What the world needs more than ever are soft hearts and open minds able to respond to life’s challenges with the flexibility and grace which arises from direct contact with the love already here in this body, heart and mind. Already here, however hidden, in each other and all around us in this extraordinary world.
For me, daily access to the unbroken comes from yoga, meditation, community and communion with nature. If you feel called, it will be an honour to practice alongside you this year. I’m now taking bookings for my daylong and weeklong retreats, both of which allow the time and space to bring yoga, meditation, community and nature immersion together. Practising Iyengar and yin yoga, meditating, sharing, walking in ancient woodland, swimming in invigorating wild water, warming in saunas and sunshine, we begin to feel whole again. We remember the beauty and aliveness that is already here, always inviting us to participate in the one sound of its unending song.
Yoga, Meditation and Nature Immersion Day Retreats
February 24th and April 27th, Wasing Estate
These daylong yoga, meditation and nature immersion retreats are for deep rejuvenation and reconnection: to ourselves, to each other, and to the natural world. The focus is to discover the joy and fulfilment of doing just one thing at any one time: wholeheartedly present with whatever is emerging.
~ As you practise yoga and meditation, you are with the body as it strengthens and stretches, with the breath as it relaxes and expands ~ As you eat delicious homemade food, you taste and appreciate it fully ~ As you walk through the ancient woodland, you commune with the glory of nature ~ As you swim in the secluded woodland lake (if you choose to), you are alive with the aliveness of cold water ~ As you relax in the sauna (if you choose to), you surrender to the deep warmth of fire ~ Or as you simply allow yourself to be present, you are absorbing the beauty of doing nothing ~ As you connect to each other around the fire pit with tea and delicious sweet treats, you are warm heartedly present with the beauty of life ~ As you walk back through the woodland you feel this aliveness travel with you ~ And as you practise yin yoga and meditation to end the day, you embody profound rejuvenation and reconnection ~
The retreats are limited to small group sizes to allow for a strong sense of community and will take place in the stunning Wasing Estate. Your place is confirmed on receipt of payment of £80, which covers food and facilities at Wasing Estate and is non-refundable unless your space can be filled by someone else. A bursary place is available on request. Like all my work, these retreats are offered on a dana basis. Payment for my teaching is made at the end of the day in the spirit of generosity and as a practice of giving and receiving with love. More info here.
To register for the day, please email me (ayalagill@gmail.com) to check for availability.
Living in Love: Yoga, Meditation and Embodied Dharma
September 30th-October 6th, Moulin de Chaves, France
Teaching retreats are my favourite events of the year. For various reasons (including a book, see below), this year I am only offering one retreat, which will be in one of my favourite venues, a committed meditation retreat centre in France. Room registration opens on January 22nd, so early booking is recommended. You can find more info here (plus some answers to “should I go on retreat?” here), or email me (ayalagill@gmail.com) to reserve your place and ask any questions.
And finally…
As mentioned above, I have made some space at the beginning of this year to finish a book which has been growing inside me for the past 3 years. Although it feels more accurate to say it has been helping me wake up and grow up to the point that I am able to show up and offer it up to the world! It has been a very personal journey of gestation and growth - I never set out “to write a book” - so as yet I’ve made no contact with the world of publishing. But the encouragement is coming from all around now, so if the tone of my work resonates with you and you are (or you know of) an agent or publisher, please get in touch to help the next phase of this mysterious journey to unfold! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing these deeply resonant words of remembrance and encouragement Ayala 😌🙏
So beautiful. And such a big yes to holding both the pain & the beauty. ❤️